take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
