I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
