just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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