Swine flu is the new snow day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
