I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
