census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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