how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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