WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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