Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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