the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
