Can Purell be used as lube?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
