apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize