I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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