I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
