I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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