i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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