im having a threesome with these popsicles
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
