Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
