and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
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Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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