if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
