Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
