I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dick very happy bro
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
