i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
