where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
