He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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