Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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