For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
