I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
