So drunk, too bad you don't want this
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
