So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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