I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
