So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
