I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
