An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize