so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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