He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
