I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
