Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize