There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we have pet lesbian snakes
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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