I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
