The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is Oprah even human
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
