if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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