this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
