He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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