Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
