Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i need some magic done to my vagina
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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