A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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