i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
