life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
