Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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