Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
