coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
