Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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