Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
