also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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