It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
