Kiss
Puke
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
