Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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