i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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