come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
