i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
