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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
